I know many of you have been anxiously awaiting my blogs.
I'm terribly sorry for the delay, but in all honesty.. I've not really had it in me to post much.
Let me explain.
I guess I should start from the beginning.
When I was preparing for my trip to Romania, I was stoked! God had been revealing a lot to me, speaking prophecy to many people about the mighty things that would happen once I arrived, giving people visions, etc... So to say I was excited would be an understatement!
I left with this picture in my head that I would be going into churches, speaking, setting people free from many things they'd been bound to, watching healing take place, seeing many souls come to the Lord...
but instead of that, I found myself getting sick my first full week here while at a kids camp ministering. I went "home" to rest & got to feeling better by the next day... so I tried to step out & do some mission work again, I was going to an orphanage to stay & serve.... but during a water baptism I attended before leaving for the orphanage, I got horribly sick again & had to return "home".
By this time, I was extremely discouraged. Nothing seemed to be going right.
Every time I stepped out to do something for the Lord, I became physically ill.
That upcoming Sunday I was better & decided to go to church. I felt fine, Praise God!, & ended up leading the children's program! (I'll post a happier blog on all of the many wonderful things God has done/is doing!)
The day was going well until I ended up going with a Pastor & 3 other guys to do some sight seeing... Everything was a big jumbled up mess & the woman/family that I thought were going too ended up NOT being able to go, so there I was... with a bunch of smelly guys.(Very smelly, might I add. haha)
To make a long story short, one of the guys (though I think he started out playfully) ended up putting me in a headlock& choking me until I could barely breathe.
That was not a pleasant moment.
The same young man drilled me all day long on everything political, historical & Biblical.
In my opinion, he's flirting with atheism... so our conversations were difficult.
As I sat there trying my best to defend God & everything that He is...
that young man sat there trying to make me feel pathetic, stupid & wrong.
To make matter worse, He's a Pastor's son.
By the end of that day I was brought to tears & exhausted.
I was so discouraged because, once again, I felt like nothing was going right.
I had been talking to my parents & feeling like all of this was pointless.
I remember thinking "I'm obviously not called to foreign mission work..."
My parents, & Brandon, encouraged me to remain strong in the Lord & to seek Him even more. So that's what I did. I began reading the Bible, a lot, & praying... a lot.
There were times where I would go for 2-3 hours at a time just praying & reading scripture.
If I had a spare moment, I was praying & reading.
I was trying to fully saturate myself with God.
The enemy was pulling all stops... but I wanted to show satan that the more he tried to mess with me, the more he tried to beat me down, the more he tried to discourage me & pull me away from God... the closer he would push me TO God, the more he would make me LOVE God, the more that I would TRUST God.
Brandon & I have been studying through 1st & 2nd Corinthians together while I'm here on my trip.. that way we're still on the same page spiritually. I'm so thankful, too. God has used those passages to help me in so many ways!
One particular was:
1st Corinthians 4:12
"....When we are cursed, we bless; when we are persecuted, we endure it; when we are slandered, we answer kindly...."
As Christians, we ARE going to be persecuted, we ARE going to be cursed, we ARE going to be talked about... but through a relationship with the Lord, we have the ability to respond to those trials differently. When someone is cruel to us, we're equipped to see through the eyes of Christ, through the eyes of love, & choose to deal in a Christ-like manner.
Another thing I've noticed is that we have this mentality at times that Christianity is, figuratively speaking, some sort of a pill that we swallow resulting in a perfect, painless life. We think that because we "say a little prayer" (& for all of you "wiser" people... don't start singin' that song :P) we're now going to live lives without any burden or heartache or pain. Where does it ever suggest that in the Bible? If I remember correctly, I re-call scripture saying things such as:
I'm terribly sorry for the delay, but in all honesty.. I've not really had it in me to post much.
Let me explain.
I guess I should start from the beginning.
When I was preparing for my trip to Romania, I was stoked! God had been revealing a lot to me, speaking prophecy to many people about the mighty things that would happen once I arrived, giving people visions, etc... So to say I was excited would be an understatement!
I left with this picture in my head that I would be going into churches, speaking, setting people free from many things they'd been bound to, watching healing take place, seeing many souls come to the Lord...
but instead of that, I found myself getting sick my first full week here while at a kids camp ministering. I went "home" to rest & got to feeling better by the next day... so I tried to step out & do some mission work again, I was going to an orphanage to stay & serve.... but during a water baptism I attended before leaving for the orphanage, I got horribly sick again & had to return "home".
By this time, I was extremely discouraged. Nothing seemed to be going right.
Every time I stepped out to do something for the Lord, I became physically ill.
That upcoming Sunday I was better & decided to go to church. I felt fine, Praise God!, & ended up leading the children's program! (I'll post a happier blog on all of the many wonderful things God has done/is doing!)
The day was going well until I ended up going with a Pastor & 3 other guys to do some sight seeing... Everything was a big jumbled up mess & the woman/family that I thought were going too ended up NOT being able to go, so there I was... with a bunch of smelly guys.(Very smelly, might I add. haha)
To make a long story short, one of the guys (though I think he started out playfully) ended up putting me in a headlock& choking me until I could barely breathe.
That was not a pleasant moment.
The same young man drilled me all day long on everything political, historical & Biblical.
In my opinion, he's flirting with atheism... so our conversations were difficult.
As I sat there trying my best to defend God & everything that He is...
that young man sat there trying to make me feel pathetic, stupid & wrong.
To make matter worse, He's a Pastor's son.
By the end of that day I was brought to tears & exhausted.
I was so discouraged because, once again, I felt like nothing was going right.
I had been talking to my parents & feeling like all of this was pointless.
I remember thinking "I'm obviously not called to foreign mission work..."
My parents, & Brandon, encouraged me to remain strong in the Lord & to seek Him even more. So that's what I did. I began reading the Bible, a lot, & praying... a lot.
There were times where I would go for 2-3 hours at a time just praying & reading scripture.
If I had a spare moment, I was praying & reading.
I was trying to fully saturate myself with God.
The enemy was pulling all stops... but I wanted to show satan that the more he tried to mess with me, the more he tried to beat me down, the more he tried to discourage me & pull me away from God... the closer he would push me TO God, the more he would make me LOVE God, the more that I would TRUST God.
Brandon & I have been studying through 1st & 2nd Corinthians together while I'm here on my trip.. that way we're still on the same page spiritually. I'm so thankful, too. God has used those passages to help me in so many ways!
One particular was:
1st Corinthians 4:12
"....When we are cursed, we bless; when we are persecuted, we endure it; when we are slandered, we answer kindly...."
As Christians, we ARE going to be persecuted, we ARE going to be cursed, we ARE going to be talked about... but through a relationship with the Lord, we have the ability to respond to those trials differently. When someone is cruel to us, we're equipped to see through the eyes of Christ, through the eyes of love, & choose to deal in a Christ-like manner.
Another thing I've noticed is that we have this mentality at times that Christianity is, figuratively speaking, some sort of a pill that we swallow resulting in a perfect, painless life. We think that because we "say a little prayer" (& for all of you "wiser" people... don't start singin' that song :P) we're now going to live lives without any burden or heartache or pain. Where does it ever suggest that in the Bible? If I remember correctly, I re-call scripture saying things such as:
-Matthew 7:14 "But small is the gate&narrow the road that leads to life, & only a few find it."
- Matthew 16:24 "...."If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me."
-
None of those things, personally, sound easy or painless... but here we sit, thinking this is what will happen. Then, when trials do come, we find ourselves blaming God. We point the finger at Him & wrongfully place blame. It's always crazy to me how, in most cases, the minute a Christian is going through something... their first question is "Why are you doing this, God?". We call His name into question the moment we can... but I always think, do you not remember that there is light AND darkness? Why are you not questioning satan? Why is he getting off so easy? Part of that is because we have a lack of understanding the might, power & glory of our most precious Savior. We've amplified satan, making him appear much bigger than he is... & we've belittled God, feeling like He's not able to truly help us when we're in need. We need to realize, myself fully included, that trials WILL arise in our lives... but now we're able to cast our cares upon the Lord (Psalms 55:22). Instead of having to go through things on our own... we now have God to help us through things. To be our strength... to be our comfort.
Sometimes, things don't work out the way we'd like for them to... but you know what? Life is not about US. We do not live to seek our own desires & wants... but instead we were created to worship & glorify Christ! We were created to be the hands & feet of God. We were created to (as Matthew 28:19 says) "...go & make disciples of ALL nations..."
All are called & all are created for this purpose. The revelation of this encouraged me more than you can imagine & completely shifted my trip, mindset.. & though it may sound a bit dramatic: life. It's always amazing to me how I can be so overwhelmed by a situation & feel at a complete loss... then I read a scripture & it's truly like 1st Corinthians 3:16&17 says;
"But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit & where the Spirit of the Lord is, THERE IS FREEDOM!"
The Bible is the living word of God, He declared all of it's content to be... so when you're going through something... reading it can & will totally transform what had previously been burdening you. Through Matt. 28:19, I realized that I was indeed called to mission work, I was indeed called to Romania, God did indeed have a plan: That plan is to spread His truth to ALL people. I was created to do that. To glorify HIM & help guide others to His truth that will set them free!
When I was struggling with attack from the enemy, I'm going to be honest, my first response was "Why God?.. Why are you not using me?"
I fell into the trap I have seen so clearly for years... but at times, in the midst of battle, your senses are jolted into disarray & the intensive training you'd received leaves your brain before you even know what's happening.
Through prayer & conversation with Brandon & my family I was pushed, Praise God!, into asking Him "What needs to change? What needs to happen?" instead of "Why are you doing this to me?"
I was pushed into the right lighting where I saw things for what they were...
The enemy. NOT God.
Perspective is crucial with anything we do.
The way we view things can completely change the outcome of a situation.
Instead of responding & viewing things as the world would... we should strive to do as Christ does, love as Christ does & imitate the model He's so perfectly outlined.
"For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, & of love & of a sound mind."
-2nd Timothy 1:7
Maintaining a sound mind is imperative when dealing with the enemy.
You must be on your guard, attentive & prepared.
If you begin to allow the spirit of fear to come in & take hold of you... you'll be overtaken in a matter of minutes. Fear means to be void of faith.
Wow, what a statement.
When I am fearful of something, no matter how great or small, I am actually saying to God,
"I don't think you're big enough for this."
What a slap in the face.
I never want to slap God in the face, I never want to make Him feel like I don't think He's capable of changing my situations.
God is a big, good, loving, just God. He loves you & desires the best for you. If you believe that, it's time to start living like you did.
(It's time I started living like I did...)
Throughout this trip I've been forced to rely on God, no...let me re-phrase.
I've been given amazing opportunities to allow God to take control.
It's hard, at times, to allow God to be the one taking the lead. We have a tendency to want to control things ourselves... so when we have to release it feels strange & tough... but oh the blessings that come with surrender & obedience!
When we let God take complete control of our lives, He does bigger & greater things than we could have ever done on our own ...or even dreamed! Yes, we are capable of living our lives, making decisions & doing the things that we desire... but as it says in Psalms 16:11.. . We find our fullness of joy in the Lord. Our TRUE happiness comes from Him!
I don't know about you, but I don't want to simply be happy... I want to be contagiously joyful! I want to have the Holy Spirit within me so strongly that simply by being around me people feel moved. I want to have the genuine love of the Lord within me so that by simply smiling people feel His encompassing love. I want to live for something bigger than myself, for something beyond my own abilities.
Some may ask how I know God's real & am willing to serve Him at the capacity at which I do...
The truth is, I have no equation. I can't give you a test tube which contains the proof of His existence... But I love knowing that God is bigger than man's understanding, I love knowing that the God I serve, the ONE true God, is bigger than a test tube or scientific experiment.
The Lord has revealed Himself to me in countless ways, countless times & that alone is proof for me. I don't have to know everything... all I'm called to do is have faith & trust in His unfailing love. The kind that faced the grave to cover my sins so that I may freely & openly serve Him with an undignified faithfulness!
I'm choosing to serve God with a radical abandonment. I desire HIS will & wants above my own... but through communion with Him, His will & wants become my own, so it's a win:win situation!
I encourage you to rethink the next time you're in a situation that isn't going as you'd like. Don't blame Him for everything... trust Him with everything.
Don't ever feel like you weren't called to mission work (foreign or not) or ministry... realize that you were not only called to it... you were created for it!
:)
-Taylor
You must be on your guard, attentive & prepared.
If you begin to allow the spirit of fear to come in & take hold of you... you'll be overtaken in a matter of minutes. Fear means to be void of faith.
Wow, what a statement.
When I am fearful of something, no matter how great or small, I am actually saying to God,
"I don't think you're big enough for this."
What a slap in the face.
I never want to slap God in the face, I never want to make Him feel like I don't think He's capable of changing my situations.
God is a big, good, loving, just God. He loves you & desires the best for you. If you believe that, it's time to start living like you did.
(It's time I started living like I did...)
Throughout this trip I've been forced to rely on God, no...let me re-phrase.
I've been given amazing opportunities to allow God to take control.
It's hard, at times, to allow God to be the one taking the lead. We have a tendency to want to control things ourselves... so when we have to release it feels strange & tough... but oh the blessings that come with surrender & obedience!
When we let God take complete control of our lives, He does bigger & greater things than we could have ever done on our own ...or even dreamed! Yes, we are capable of living our lives, making decisions & doing the things that we desire... but as it says in Psalms 16:11.. . We find our fullness of joy in the Lord. Our TRUE happiness comes from Him!
I don't know about you, but I don't want to simply be happy... I want to be contagiously joyful! I want to have the Holy Spirit within me so strongly that simply by being around me people feel moved. I want to have the genuine love of the Lord within me so that by simply smiling people feel His encompassing love. I want to live for something bigger than myself, for something beyond my own abilities.
Some may ask how I know God's real & am willing to serve Him at the capacity at which I do...
The truth is, I have no equation. I can't give you a test tube which contains the proof of His existence... But I love knowing that God is bigger than man's understanding, I love knowing that the God I serve, the ONE true God, is bigger than a test tube or scientific experiment.
The Lord has revealed Himself to me in countless ways, countless times & that alone is proof for me. I don't have to know everything... all I'm called to do is have faith & trust in His unfailing love. The kind that faced the grave to cover my sins so that I may freely & openly serve Him with an undignified faithfulness!
I'm choosing to serve God with a radical abandonment. I desire HIS will & wants above my own... but through communion with Him, His will & wants become my own, so it's a win:win situation!
I encourage you to rethink the next time you're in a situation that isn't going as you'd like. Don't blame Him for everything... trust Him with everything.
Don't ever feel like you weren't called to mission work (foreign or not) or ministry... realize that you were not only called to it... you were created for it!
:)
-Taylor
No comments:
Post a Comment